Just Fucking Use HTML

So you call yourself a web developer? Fucking pathetic.

You’ve gotta be kidding me, asshat. Do you even fucking know how to display
a button on screen without the current modern fuckery you lean on? Here,
little shit, is your button:

Fucking button

Tattoo this code on your forehead so that you’ll remember when you look at
your fat face in the mirror:

<button>Fucking button</button>

But did you notice something, you smug bastard? This HTML shit is the
fucking Energizer Bunny of the web. It just keeps going, no fancy plugins or
updates required. Your precious framework’s out there choking on its own
hype, obsolete before you even finish the tutorial, while this button’s
still kicking ass like it’s 1995. It’s been here since the web was a
screaming toddler, and it’ll still be standing when your stack’s just a
dusty footnote in some asshole’s commit history.

Can’t make shit beautiful with HTML, you say? Eat this, you pixel-pushing fuck:

Fucking beautiful button

Why it’s beautiful:

• It is visible
• It is clickable
• It’s just fucking beautiful

Seriously, what else do you fucking need, you entitled prick? A goddamn
participation trophy for using a framework to do what HTML does out of the
box? Maybe a gold star for managing to overcomplicate something that’s been
solved for decades? Get over yourself, asshole. HTML works, and it doesn’t
need your bullshit to prove it.

Now that we have AI, you still use JS frameworks? Are you fucking serious?

AI’s out here, a gift from the heavens (or at least from Sam Altman’s nerd
fortress) ready to write your shitty little to-do app in five seconds flat.
It can churn out pixel-perfect HTML, debug your fuck-ups, and probably even
wipe your ass if you ask nicely. But no, you’re still humping your
frameworks like they’re the last lifeboat on the Titanic. What the hell is
wrong with you? Are you that addicted to 10,000 dependencies and a build
process that takes longer than your last failed relationship?

Sam Altman’s AI army is laughing its silicon balls off while you’re
knee-deep in React’s virtual DOMshit, praying your app doesn’t choke on its
own bloated corpse. This isn’t progress. It’s a fucking tragedy.
You’ve got a shiny new Ferrari in your garage, and you’re still riding a
rusty tricycle with a flat tire. Grow the fuck up.

Why HTML rocks

Everybody knows HTML

Listen up, dipshit. Every-fucking-body knows HTML. Your dearly great grandma?
She was out there in the goddamn trenches of World War 2, dodging Nazi bullets
while hand-coding <table> layouts to send encrypted messages to the Allies.
Your grandad? He’s got a motherfucking PhD in HTML from the prestigious
University of Who-Gives-a-Rat’s-Ass, probably hanging right next to his “I
Survived Dial-Up” trophy. Your dad? That bastard was mumbling
<div> and <span> before he could even
choke out “mama”. Shit, even your drooling mutt probably has a side gig
churning out HTML sites on Fiverr. So why the fuck are we still stuck
answering your brain-dead questions? Jesus Christ, get with the program.

No fucking hydration errors. Drink some water, asshole

What in the ever-loving fuck is a hydration error? Sounds like some hipster
bullshit a barista would spew when your overpriced oat milk latte isn’t wet
enough. “Oh, my bad, bro, your coffee’s got a hydration error”. Get the fuck
outta here. And “tree shaking”? Are you kidding me? What is this, a coding
bootcamp or a lumberjack convention? “Yeah, boss, I spent all day shaking trees
to trim my JavaScript bundle. Where’s my flannel shirt?”. Who the hell invents
this pretentious crap? I don’t have time to decode your buzzword salad, you
self-important jackass. HTML doesn’t pull this nonsense. It just fucking works.

You don’t need to “support” HTML

Ever seen some motherfucker hire a whole team just to babysit HTML? That’s
fucking right. Nobody does that bullshit. HTML is so damn reliable it
doesn’t need a 24/7 support hotline like some needy-ass framework. While
your bloated, over-engineered frameworks are out there throwing tantrums
every time a browser updates or crying for patches every five minutes, HTML
just sits back, cracks a beer, and does its goddamn job. So next time some
slick salesman tries to shove “premium HTML support” down your throat, tell
them to fuck off.

You don’t need to “deploy” HTML

Deploying HTML? That’s easier than deleting your browser history after a
porn binge. Just throw your files into a web server directory, and boom. The
whole fucking internet can see your crappy page. No 12-step deployment
process, no DevOps wizards casting spells, no fucking Docker containers or
CI/CD pipelines. Just drag, drop, and you’re done. Meanwhile, your fancy
frameworks need a goddamn NASA launch sequence just to push a button that
says “Hello, World.”HTML doesn’t give a shit about your trendy deployment
tools. It”s the dive bar of the web: always open, no frills, just works. Your
framework? The hipster café that”s “temporarily closed” every time you need
it.

You don’t need Sparkling Ass UI to make shit look good, dumbass

All you need is fucking brains. Every year, yet another steaming pile of
shit gets released: blazingly fast frameworks that are two farts ahead of
the previous “groundbreaking” crap. Some call it progress. More rounded
corners, more colorful colors, and one more thing to learn.

*^Fu^c_k t_h^a_t*

Just fucking use HTML. I shit you not, it actually looks good:

• Bold text? Check.
• Underlined text. Got it.
• Strike fucking through? Highlighted text? Emphasized text?
• Check ✓, check ✓, and ~holy shit~ check again. HTML’s been doing this while you were still drooling
  over React.

Oh, and abbreviations? HTML.
Go ahead, find your dirty trackpad behind the slice of pizza and hover over this motherfucker.

h2: Big motherfucker

Perfect for screaming your main points at the top of your lungs, like “FUCK FRAMEWORKS!”

h3: Slightly smaller motherfucker

Still loud enough to tell your subpoints to sit down and shut up.

h4: Even smaller

For when you need to whisper some passive-aggressive bullshit.

h5: You can still see me

Small, but not small enough to ignore, like that fucking bug in your framework that haunts your every commit.

h6: Nobody even uses these

Unless you’re writing the fine print for your soul-selling terms of service.

See? HTML’s got hierarchy, style, and your framework’s out here trying to
reinvent the wheel, but HTML already built the goddamn car, you
overcomplicating prick.

Interactive shit? HTML’s got it, no JS needed

Think you need your precious JavaScript for interactivity? Wrong, you clueless fuck. HTML’s got expandable sections
baked in:

And popovers? Yeah, native, no framework bloat. Eat this:

Open it, coward

Dialogs that’ll make you cry for mommy

Still not impressed? Fine, fine. Toss in a pinch of inline JS (right in the HTML, you purist twat) and you’ve got
native dialogs.
Pay close attention: no build steps, no frameworks, just raw power.

Hello, you ungrateful shit!

Close this beauty

Open the damn dialog

Forms that work on every Casio calculator

*This form is powered real, raw HTML. No frameworks were harmed, because
they’re useless anyway.*

So, what’s your excuse now, huh? Still clinging to your trendy frameworks
like a scared little bitch? HTML’s like that crusty old barstool that’s seen
every fight and still holds your drunk ass up, no questions asked.
Frameworks? They’re the flimsy plastic chairs that snap the second you lean
back too hard: overengineered bullshit that collapses under its own weight.
HTML doesn’t need your pity or your goddamn fanfare. It’s too busy being the
spine of every site you’ve ever clicked on, you ungrateful prick. So keep
jerking off to your latest tech fad—HTML’s over here, sipping whiskey, ready
to outlast your entire career.

“Why not write Assembly then?”

Oh, here comes the genius motherfucker with the big-brain counterargument:
“Well, if HTML’s so great, why not just write everything in Assembly, huh?”.
Wow, look at you, you clever little prick. Did you come up with that all by
yourself? Writing web pages in Assembly is like using a fucking chainsaw to
slice your overcooked steak: sure, it’ll get the job done, but you’re gonna
look like a complete asshole while you’re at it. HTML just works, you
absolute tool. It’s been the backbone of the web since Al Gore flipped the
switch, and it’ll still be here long after your trendy framework is rotting
in a GitHub graveyard. So take your smartass logic and shove it. HTML’s
king, and you’re just a peasant with a keyboard.

HTML lends crotches to your fucking JS

Did you know that when you slap an id on your HTML element, HTML doesn’t
just sit there like a lazy fuck. It actually creates a fucking variable in
JavaScript for you? Yeah, you heard me, you clueless bastard. You don’t even
have to lift a finger. HTML’s out here doing the heavy lifting while your JS
is still trying to figure out how to tie its shoes.

Now go try it, open the console and type “i_am_doofus”. Boom! There it is, you
ungrateful shit. HTML just handed you a variable on a silver platter, and
you didn’t even have to beg for it. This is basic shit, and if you didn’t
know this, congrats. You’re officially dumber than a bag of rocks.

This is HTML flexing its muscles, showing you it’s not just some static
bitch. It’s dynamic, it’s powerful, and it’s been carrying your sorry ass
since day one. Meanwhile, your JS is out here acting like it’s the star of
the show, when really, it’s just riding HTML’s coattails like a cheap date.

So next time you’re jerking off to your fancy JS frameworks, remember: HTML’s
the one doing the real work, and it’s laughing at your overcomplicated
bullshit.

Words of wisdom

It’s the kind of page that makes you want to weep tears of joy and throw
your overpriced JavaScript framework out the window. It’s the kind of page
that makes you want to quit your job and become a full-time HTML
evangelist. It’s the kind of page that makes you want to start a cult
dedicated to the worship of HTML. It’s the kind of page that makes you
want to write a love letter to HTML and send it to the HTML gods. It’s the
kind of page that makes you want to build a shrine to HTML in your living
room and invite all your friends over for a candlelit HTML worship
session. It’s the kind of page that makes you want to start a YouTube
channel dedicated to HTML tutorials and rants. It’s the kind of page that
makes you want to write a book about HTML and self-publish it on Amazon.
It’s the kind of page that makes you want to start a TikTok account
dedicated to HTML and post daily HTML dance videos. It’s the kind of page
that makes you want to start a LinkedIn account dedicated to HTML and
connect with other HTML professionals.

— Just Fucking Use HTML